Friday, February 25, 2011

The 3 worst worst musical experiences of the last 5 years

3.  Anything relating to Soulja Boy's "Crank That."  Or is it "Crank Dat"?  Or is it "People no Longer Have Any Taste in Music" considering that this piece of garbage was a top 40 hit in at least 8 countries, and a top 5 hit in the 6 largest English-speaking countries in the world.  Thanks to this song, I was privy to some of the worst flirting ever ("I bet I can do the Soulja Boy better than you" "You don't know the Soulja boy?  I'll teach you, I'm awesome at it" etc. (Any frat guy in town to any moderately good-looking girl, or any horny girl to any douchey looking guy (because let's be honest, the bigger douche you are, the more you liked this song)) as well as witnessing a group of 25 people simultaneously breaking out into dance in a garage at a party (side note: I witnessed this as a few of us were walking up the driveway to said party.  We immediately turned around and left.  We did not pass go, did not collect $200, and didn't have the misfortune of hanging out with that group of raging tools all night)

2.  The first time I heard Kid Rock's "All Summer Long."  What do you get when you combine sampling of two great songs (Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama" and Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London")?  In the case of Kid Rock you get a steaming pile of shit.  After hearing this song the only thing that I wanted to do all summer long was go deaf so I never had to hear this again.  Additionally, this awesomely bad tune has bastardized the two songs mentioned above and they'll never be the same.  

1.  The Black Eyed Peas' Super Bowl half time show.  This.  Was.  Awful.  I honestly don't think it would have been possible to schedule a worse performance that this if you tried.  It was terrible.  They can't sing.  Even if they could sing, their music blows.  The costumes they were wearing were fucking retarded.  And wait,  there's more.  After they sucked ass for a few minutes, they brought out Usher to sing some shitty song, and then Slash (who is either at rock bottom and desperate for money or has just turned into a huge sellout) came out playing "Sweet Child of Mine", which Fergie proceeded to butcher.  Then they went back to their shitty music.  It was audio-visual rape.  I would rather have watched 15 minutes of two gay chimpanzees loudly butt-fucking each other (and I don't think it's a stretch at all to say that I'm not the only one who feels that way).  Bring back aging rock stars who will do anything to remain relevant, please

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